Be Grateful

When it rains it pours. An officer walks in the front door. I approach him and extend my hand, to shake his. He begins to speak, with great detail, about this momma he has brought to see me. My thoughts pause and I begin to wonder why this world has so much hurt to offer. I want peace for this world I live in. I want to impact people. I want to add value to people. I want to love people. I want to show kindness. Would these things allow peace?

I step outside to greet her and the sun kisses my face and a small breeze softly comforts me. Outside I notice a momma unloading her belongings. She places her make shift luggage on the sidewalk next to my building. I reach for her and she slowly bows her head. I tell her “I am so proud of you”, because I know she has escaped a place of hurt. I tell her “Honey you did good. I am so proud of you. Are you proud of yourself?” Gently she nods yes.  I walk her in and we work through the mess and all the red tape that it takes to get her to a safe place. The process is not pleasant, she looks defeated and I feel helpless. My heart hurts and my eyes well up with tears. A Life Changer brings her food and pads and other things she does not have access to. Things I take for granted.

I begin to be thankful. I am thankful for my bed. I am thankful for my blankets. I am thankful for my pillow. I am thankful for my curtains. I am thankful for my TV. I am thankful for my cable. I am thankful for my clothes. I am thankful for my shoes. I am thankful for my bras and underwear. I am thankful for my bathroom. I am thankful for my bathroom mat. I am thankful for my tub. I am thankful for running water. I am thankful for electricity. I am thankful for shampoo. I am thankful for conditioner. I am thankful because I sit in the same room with a woman that has none of these things. Everything she owns in this life fits in 6 small plastic bags. Are you thankful for all that you have or like me do you take things for granted? Ephesians 5:20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The van that has been sent to pick her up is parked outside. She stands alone with nothing and there is no one. She seems unsure and I assure her all will be well. She softly speaks “Can you hug me?” I hug her and as I squeeze her tightly. I bring her in as I would my own children. I silently pray that she may experience love. I pray that she feels the love I have for her. I pray that her needs would be met. I pray for courage. I pray for peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray that she experience perfect love. The kind of love that only God can offer.

Be grateful. Be kind and love someone. Love someone that doesn’t know how to love you back.

Love

It’s been a tough day.

My day is planned and I have no room for interruptions or inconveniences. It is a day jammed packed with busy work. You know, I have much to do but nothing to accomplish. I’m spent in every which way a person can be spent, and then the phone rings.  I don’t know that I have an emotion I care to share at this point, as I have a momma sitting in an office awaiting for her children to be taken from her. I look into her eyes and there is nothing. I don’t seem to understand and still I sit unable to offer judgment. Momma is pale and 30 lbs. lighter, since I saw her last. I stress at the fact that I will have to see those children. I am stumped at how I should help but in this moment I don’t know how to offer hope. Momma sits unable to make sense of this. Her emotions have taken her to a place so far from where we sit. I don’t have words, so I say nothing. I sit and attempt to love her without words. I wonder if this is what Jesus meant when He said love.

It’s easy to love those that look like us, those that make “good choices”, those that dress like us, those that come in a tidy clean package, and certainly easy to love those that respond to our love. Not so easy to love those that don’t look like us, those that don’t make “good choices”,  those that don’t dress like us, those that don’t come in tidy clean packages, and those that don’t respond to our love. I am under the impression that at times we believe we have the right to qualify others as worthy, before we attempt to love. Well, I have news, we don’t have the right to pick and choose who we can love! We are called to “love our neighbor as ourselves”, regardless.   

Here I sit in a room full of nothing, a room full of material things and yet the room is vacant. I ask momma if I can hug her. She nods her head no. I hug her anyway and there is nothing. I just don’t understand that kind of pain. This momma is unable to receive love. I sit silently because that is all I can do. Is this an act of love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. This is perfect love and this is how we are expected to love.

It’s time to say goodbye and we step out of this emptiness and walk into a hollow hall. The space around us is void and it seems to consume us. As we turn the corner I glance over and there in the door way are the children. I go to them and look into their eyes, there is nothing. Again I have no emotion to share. Finally outside and I am sustained by my Maker. I watch as the car that holds this family, drives away. I quietly pray and ask that these kids may be loved in a way that creates an atmosphere of hope.

I am broken and this is just the beginning of my day. There are challenges around every corner. I have an appointment that forces me to go to a quiet place, a place where love abounds. I sit while she works on my hair and she listens as I share my heart. This Life Changer allows me to share my emotions and she validates me without words. I feel like maybe the disciples felt while Jesus washed their feet. I am loved without judgment and I am blessed by her words.

It is Friday and it’s late. My body does not seem to be cooperating and I still have to load my SUV. A momma is in need. She has left her home in order to seek love for her being. I quietly pray for help and a Life Changer passes by. She kindly asks if she may be of assistance. I explain, I am good and still she stands at the door way ready to serve.  I don’t not share with her that my physical body is not wanting to cooperate and yet she manages to load all the heavy items. I am grateful beyond words.

Oh no there is no happily ever after today but I can’t carry this with me. So I write it and when I hit send it no longer belongs to me. Love I assure you someone needs it.

Hope Arises

Join me as I whine for a bit.

Saturday and I wake to an empty house. My husband has left the house early and my little one stayed the night at a friend’s house. Sadness consumes me as I sit here alone, perplexed, wondering where the time has gone. It was just yesterday that my babies were babies. Yet today I have adults living their dream. On a Saturday, 20 years ago, the house wouldn’t be silent. It would be filled with the hustle and bustle of cereal bowels and conversation of what cartoon should grace the screen. My heart hurts as memories of bathing and changing my babies flood my being. Years ago I was so eager to have them grown and today my only wish is to once again be able to hold them as babes. When my children were younger I spent too much time cleaning, too much time making sure everything was just right. I worked too much and just did not play enough. If I could go back it would be different. We were young parents and just didn’t know what we were doing. We gave it our best and even with our best it is a miracle that our beautiful babies survived our parenting skills. My beautiful girl is on track to graduate college this summer, I couldn’t be prouder. My first born baby boy is a Marine, I couldn’t be prouder. My baby girl is running for University of Sioux Falls, I couldn’t be prouder. My baby boy is experiencing his first week of junior high football, I couldn’t be prouder. Even with all their success, today I am struggling. Selfishly desiring to still have them at arm’s length. I am an emotional wreck. I watch from a distance as my babies live life. I can no longer swoop in to rescue them from harm or hurt that this world is certain to offer them. Living my purpose in life has been a struggle this week as all I can think of is my babies. Oh but don’t fret, rest assured that even in all my self-centeredness and deep within my little pity party, God finds a way to gently remind me of my calling in life.

I have been afforded the opportunity to work in a capacity that allows me to help people that are struggling. Today I am the one struggling, as my emotions take me. I love serving but in this moment I am caught up in self and I am no help. When working in selfishness it is easier to cause more harm than help. I think at times we all have the tendency to get caught up with meetings, phone calls, emails and busyness. Staying connected with our “Ultimate Why”, the reason we do what we do. Is crucial when living our purpose in life. My belief is, if we do what we do, in love, whatever that maybe, we create an atmosphere of hope. We each have the ability to create an atmosphere of hope and when hope arises its game on baby.

As humans we all desire purpose, we all desire belonging and we all desire to do for others. So what if we did for others what we desperately desired during a time in our life, when we ourselves were struggling. If we lacked love, then what if we loved someone. If we lacked food, then what if we feed someone. If we lacked clothes, then what if we clothed someone. If we were never included, then what if we included someone. It’s simple, really.

My last phone call of the day. A woman speaks and says “Mrs. Moreno I was given your name and I am hoping you can help.” She goes on to explain her life’s circumstance. I know right away that I will have to put my plans aside and serve. I will have to pause my pity party in order to serve this family. Not exactly my plan for today. I was eager to head home and wallow in a bowl of chips. I agree to meet the family at a local store and assist with clothing for school. I arrive and I am greeted with a warm welcome. Her eyes, so grateful and instantly my heart begins to heal. I look over at the children and no eye contact is offered, I struggle to keep it together. This mother hands me hope, without words. I am grateful and humbled to serve. The shame the children carry,  for not having what they need is unbearable. Still they love with the little they have and softly I am reminded of my purpose. Their desire,  is to belong in this school setting.  Their desire, is to be included. Their desire is hope. I hand them a food card before I leave and I am hugged and loved as they whisper, “we had nothing to eat tonight”. My heart is thankful that I can serve. I get in my car and we make eye contact once more. I see her and she matters. They matter. I see them as human therefore I love. Hope arises yes even in the middle of this mess.

Serve each other.