Hope Arises

Join me as I whine for a bit.

Saturday and I wake to an empty house. My husband has left the house early and my little one stayed the night at a friend’s house. Sadness consumes me as I sit here alone, perplexed, wondering where the time has gone. It was just yesterday that my babies were babies. Yet today I have adults living their dream. On a Saturday, 20 years ago, the house wouldn’t be silent. It would be filled with the hustle and bustle of cereal bowels and conversation of what cartoon should grace the screen. My heart hurts as memories of bathing and changing my babies flood my being. Years ago I was so eager to have them grown and today my only wish is to once again be able to hold them as babes. When my children were younger I spent too much time cleaning, too much time making sure everything was just right. I worked too much and just did not play enough. If I could go back it would be different. We were young parents and just didn’t know what we were doing. We gave it our best and even with our best it is a miracle that our beautiful babies survived our parenting skills. My beautiful girl is on track to graduate college this summer, I couldn’t be prouder. My first born baby boy is a Marine, I couldn’t be prouder. My baby girl is running for University of Sioux Falls, I couldn’t be prouder. My baby boy is experiencing his first week of junior high football, I couldn’t be prouder. Even with all their success, today I am struggling. Selfishly desiring to still have them at arm’s length. I am an emotional wreck. I watch from a distance as my babies live life. I can no longer swoop in to rescue them from harm or hurt that this world is certain to offer them. Living my purpose in life has been a struggle this week as all I can think of is my babies. Oh but don’t fret, rest assured that even in all my self-centeredness and deep within my little pity party, God finds a way to gently remind me of my calling in life.

I have been afforded the opportunity to work in a capacity that allows me to help people that are struggling. Today I am the one struggling, as my emotions take me. I love serving but in this moment I am caught up in self and I am no help. When working in selfishness it is easier to cause more harm than help. I think at times we all have the tendency to get caught up with meetings, phone calls, emails and busyness. Staying connected with our “Ultimate Why”, the reason we do what we do. Is crucial when living our purpose in life. My belief is, if we do what we do, in love, whatever that maybe, we create an atmosphere of hope. We each have the ability to create an atmosphere of hope and when hope arises its game on baby.

As humans we all desire purpose, we all desire belonging and we all desire to do for others. So what if we did for others what we desperately desired during a time in our life, when we ourselves were struggling. If we lacked love, then what if we loved someone. If we lacked food, then what if we feed someone. If we lacked clothes, then what if we clothed someone. If we were never included, then what if we included someone. It’s simple, really.

My last phone call of the day. A woman speaks and says “Mrs. Moreno I was given your name and I am hoping you can help.” She goes on to explain her life’s circumstance. I know right away that I will have to put my plans aside and serve. I will have to pause my pity party in order to serve this family. Not exactly my plan for today. I was eager to head home and wallow in a bowl of chips. I agree to meet the family at a local store and assist with clothing for school. I arrive and I am greeted with a warm welcome. Her eyes, so grateful and instantly my heart begins to heal. I look over at the children and no eye contact is offered, I struggle to keep it together. This mother hands me hope, without words. I am grateful and humbled to serve. The shame the children carry,  for not having what they need is unbearable. Still they love with the little they have and softly I am reminded of my purpose. Their desire,  is to belong in this school setting.  Their desire, is to be included. Their desire is hope. I hand them a food card before I leave and I am hugged and loved as they whisper, “we had nothing to eat tonight”. My heart is thankful that I can serve. I get in my car and we make eye contact once more. I see her and she matters. They matter. I see them as human therefore I love. Hope arises yes even in the middle of this mess.

Serve each other.