Sometimes I'm not so thankful

The wind billows outside my bedroom window. It is fierce and it brings a chill to my core. This atmosphere perfectly suites my attitude. Because today I am lacking thankfulness and I feel a bit under the weather as well. If you know me you know not feeling well doesn't stop me, it just irritates me. I probably should warn my volunteer of my attitude. This attitude might make for a long day. We have much to do, donations to pick up and things to get in order before Thanksgiving arrives.  

While out and about I watch as people hurriedly prepare for this day of giving thanks. I notice a few with similar attitudes maybe they aren't feeling well either. As the day takes charge my heart weakens. I pause often and I think of my Girl and my Marine. They are both so far away, each one of them on opposite sides of the country.  I am not so thankful today. 

Today I avoid Facebook, because even with all its wonder some days it also holds plenty of pettiness. Somedays there is so much senseless conversation. Conversation about red cups, copy and paste if you love your son, like and share if you love Jesus and well you get it, silliness at its best. There is also many times people spill their hatred and spout reasons why some humans are worthy and why some are not. The other day someone shared that we should take care of our homeless veterans before we take care of any refugee, but yet sometimes, those that speak those words have never and will never lift a finger to personally help a veteran. Oh yes and please allow me to share my favorite topic, there are many who think we should send our military over seas. They say "we" need to eradicate terrorists. That one really gets under my skin because in my opinion you need not speak of when and why we should put our military’s lives on the line. Especially if you are not serving, have never served or do not have family that has served or that is currently serving.

A little bitter because I don't get to have my Marine around my dinner table for thanksgiving. A little upset because my grand baby doesn't understand why his uncle isn't home. At age 5 he doesn't know why his uncle is sacrificing time away from him. He doesn't know what freedom is and sometimes when we speak, we speak out of turn and sometimes we forget the freedom we speak with was paid by someone else. So please don't offer our men and women up so freely. Be mindful that they are someone's sons and daughters.

Obviously, in this moment I desperately search for goodness. I want to see goodness in this world so full of hurt and suffering. I sit in my car debating with God. At this point no one else can handle my pettiness. I think I may be wearing him too, as I set my boundaries and explain to Him, "God if the next stop doesn't go as planned, I’m not doing it. God, I am not speaking in places that are uncomfortable. I am not stretching myself beyond new borders. I struggle with change God. I am only speaking where I am most comfortable. God are you really asking me to do this?"

Not happy, I make my way out of my car and the unpleasant look on my face is enough to make anyone head in the other direction. Hastily I make my way into the building and of course things don’t go in my favor. So again I say to Him. “I am not doing it.” My body trembles and tears form. I will not give in. Sweetly, I feel a gentle tug from a small corner of my heart. I am reminded of John 3:16. I hesitate to listen because somewhere inside I know He is right. He is always right. Through clenched teeth as I make my way back to my car I speak out loud, as if He walks beside me I say “really God,  John 3:16”. What does that have to do with this matter?" Then out of my mouth I begin to speak  John 3:16….."For God so loved the world". Instantly I acknowledge that He indeed walks beside me and I am loved and I am humbled. I bow my head and tears flow. "Yes Lord, It is not about me, it is about all those around me. Those near and those on the other side of the world." I shrink in my shallowness and quickly say, "I am sorry".

It is about more than a darn red cup, it is about more than copy, paste and share or like if you love Jesus. Yes folks it is about more than just me and how I feel and maybe it is about more than just you.      
                           
It's about love. It's about loving even when you don't want to. It's about loving even when you don't think others deserve it. It's about looking for the good within all the bad. Its about being thankful even when you think there is nothing to be thankful for. It isn't easy but do it anyway, reach deep and find something to be thankful about. I assure you there is much to be thankful for and I promise it will allow joy. I will no longer sit and wallow because my children are not near. I will be thankful that they are safe and I will be thankful that they still are hear on this earth. I will put action behind these words I speak. I will live by them. I will love because I know full well that Love creates an atmosphere of Hope.

 Hope maybe the doorway to Peace.