Road Trip

Ok so let’s talk about what we do when we are on a road trip. Can we all say it together…eat. It sounds better when we say snack and that is exactly what I have been doing since I left my house. I have been snacking. So I figure if I attempted to write down my thoughts my hands may become occupied with the keyboard and they would stop putting stuff in my mouth.

A couple of weeks ago I was evaluating my health and my eating habits. So I decided I would start running because, well let’s face it I am not coordinated enough to do anything else. Truth be told, I’ve tried Zumba. Because of that escapade there is probably a poster at the door of every Zumba establishment within a hundred miles. It reads something like this. “WARNING: Do not let this person in and it has a picture of me attempting to do Zumba. Just a few months ago I attempted Yoga. Go ahead get a mental picture. Mmm yes it was bad. So I think I’ll stick with running. I am happy to report that last night I noticed that two of my four butt cheeks aren’t as apparent as they were two weeks ago.

Obviously I am not good with staying within the boundaries of first level disclosure during a conversation. If I was you would probably have stopped reading long ago.

This past week I had the pleasure of taking my 4 year old grand baby to work with me. It was his first opportunity to serve others. We started with going to a local food pantry to gather food for a family in need. I allowed him to pack one of the boxes and he grabbed food that he liked, off the shelf. I am sure the two children that received the food appreciated his efforts. When we were done at the pantry we headed to drop off some clothes and then he was ready for a snack. We then went to my office and in all his innocence he was eager to help unload the car.

This adventure reminded me of when I first started serving. There was this innocence in giving. There was none of this trying to qualify others as worthy before I gave. I just gave. It’s true that when we give, give and give we have a tendency to forget why we are giving. We can easily fall prey to compassion fatigue. We go, go and go and at the end of the day we have nothing left. We over extend ourselves and the word “NO” disappears from our vocabulary. It’s a wonder that we can still function. When we give of ourselves we often end up emotionally spent by the end of the day. It is a must to refuel and to be intentional about it. Self-care what a concept.

Do you remember the story of the woman that washed Jesus feet with the alabaster jar of perfume? Just in case you don't I'll jog your memory, it goes something like this. At the beginning of Luke you find that Jesus had been teaching and serving. You even find Jesus in the temple teaching the Pharisees and what does he teach on? You guessed it, serving the poor. Someone handed him the scroll of Isaiah and what does He choose to read? Right again! He reads “the Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed,” The book of Luke continues and says he is healing people left and right and somewhere in between He calls us to love. Finally in chapter 7 Jesus decides to have dinner at a friend’s house and I can only assume He is tired. The word states that Jesus reclined at the table. Then this woman shows up and decides she wants to allow Him, well let’s just say “self-care” maybe. Yes just maybe Jesus was teaching us a little about self-care. With no guilt attached.  So go on servants of the most high, relax and enjoy so that your giving heart may be replenished. Take care of you so that you can continue serving with love.

Ok so I should stop writing at this point but I have something to share and it doesn’t fit anywhere, it’s just random but I just can’t keep it to myself any longer. So here it goes. Ok so a while back I was scheduled to speak at an event. It was a good size event and I was seated eating my dinner before I took the stage. A gentleman takes the seat next to me and we begin to converse. We did the, what do you do chat, the weather chat and well you know your typical I don’t know you conversation. Really it’s much more pleasant than to sit there awkwardly in silence. Then about 15 minutes in he asks, “What are you?” I reply with “I get asked this a lot. I assume you think I am Philippine? He said, “Actually yes”. I reply “actually I am Mexican both my parents are from Mexico. He sits back in his chair and says. “Wow”. You are amazingly beautiful. Long pause………. My cousin Diana at this point would say …”wait for it… wait for it”. Then he finishes the complement with … for a Mexican. Yes he said I was amazing beautiful for a Mexican. I smiled and said “uhh thank you?!?! In total love because I truly believe he didn’t know any better. I waited for my introduction and said excuse me and then I took the stage.

Love people it cost absolutely nothing and it gives others absolutely everything. Jesus did!!

Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman

Luke 7:36-38 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. ³⁷ A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. ³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

So I think...

So I believe no one is promised tomorrow. But chances are good that I will see my son again, soon. As comforting as that sounds, that still does not take away the ache in my heart. That still does not keep me from asking on his behalf, daily. That still does not keep me from allowing tears to capture me daily. And that still doesn’t keep me from grieving.

So this makes me think about loss in a deeper way.  I struggle with my son being gone. Sometimes I sit and say to myself, “Goodness this is silly”. So many tears and he is just at boot camp. He will be back. We receive a weekly update on what our recruit is going through weekly. Not sure this is something a mother should read. So after I read, I think. Maybe my struggle is that I know what his struggles are and maybe that’s what makes it so hard.

Well this boot camp has impacted not just him but our family.  So much so, that we have had to join a support group to cope with this sadness. I struggle smiling. I struggle keeping a conversation. Especially with people that have nothing to say. No I’m not trying to be rude I’m just trying to be real. No one is perfect especially me! You know people that just speak to be heard but say nothing? Yes I try and add value to all but it seems to be a little harder than usual these days. There is just so much going on in this beautiful world of ours and I just don’t think we use our time and talents wisely by sitting around and chatting about things that don’t matter. We could be out there living intentionally, every minute of every day that we are on this earth. Living life in a way that makes other people’s lives better. Maybe like handing out Hope rather than taking it.

So because I am always trying to look at the bigger picture. I was thinking of the mother that has truly lost her son. I mean lost in a way that she will not see him until we are on the other side of glory. I can’t even wrap that around my mind. I have nowhere to put that thought.

Ok so this may get a little uncomfortable for you if you don’t know Jesus. But I have found that by sharing what I feel. Truly does allow me a way to get through my struggles. Please don’t continue reading if you don’t want to.

So I was thinking, when God saw us, His children messing up here on earth. He might have said to Himself, my kids need freedom, freedom from sin. He might have said (John 3:16), my children need me and I love them so very much that I’m sending my son, Jesus. The Father knew full well what Jesus struggles would be. This blows me away that He would still send Him. I think that we hear that so casually and it’s not. His son! He sacrificed His son! He sent us Jesus so that we might be free from sin. Wow talk about putting things into perspective. I deserved nothing and yet He saw me as worthy.

Next time I think I’m sacrificing something. I might look at what Jesus sacrificed for me. My faith keeps me going.

When your heart aches

So it’s been a while and as I walk my purpose in life, I find it more challenging to share my thoughts. Well that is until today.

If you know me you know my precious son JD left for boot camp early Monday morning. I can’t even explain how I feel about that. I did my best to ignore that he was even leaving. That is until Sunday morning. I wake early not knowing what to do. I wash clothes, do some dishes, vacuum, clean my bathroom, put some clothes away and well anything and everything that I can do to get my mind off my child leaving. Yes my child. We can’t assume to know unless it’s our child.

We are scheduled to attend church with JD this morning, as they will pray for him before he checks in at 3:00. I sit numb in a pew surrounded by many and yet I feel alone. Tears consume my face for no reason. I feel Jacob’s arms tenderly around me. The lights are dim and worship begins… in my Father’s house. A place where I seek refuge, a place of peace and acceptance.

I cannot comprehend the thought of boot camp for my son. This is not my desire for his life. Why can’t he be 6 again? I am his mother and I can no longer protect him from this world. I am broken and nothing makes sense. I sit waiting for God to hear my cry, the cry of a mother. And then gently a melody begins to play. “Lord, I come I confess. Bowing here, I find my rest and without you I fall apart. You’re the one that guides my heart. Lord I need you. Oh, I need you. Every hour I need you. My one defense my righteousness. Oh God how I need you.”

I had no idea how literal these words would be for the days to follow. I am home after watching my children bid a farewell to their brother. This picture is forever painted on my heart. Few words are spoken as I hold my son. Broken, I am broken.

Jacobs embrace allows me sleep. I wake every hour and gently whisper, “Lord I need you, Oh I need you.” I wake with the same words in my mouth. I go through my day and sometimes I can’t even get through a thought before again I cry out, “Lord I need you, Oh I need you.”

Does the hurt ever subside? I don’t know but I know I will see my son “in a little while”. How about the mother that has lost her son to a car accident? How about the child that has lost their parent to Alzheimer’s? How about the husband that has lost his wife to cancer? How about the mother that has lost her child to drugs? What am I doing to ease their hurt? What are you doing to ease their hurt?

In my distress friends and family have been in prayer for our family and have reached out through email, phone and text. So this makes me think. My struggle is but a mere wink when measured to a hurting world. So because God doesn’t waste my tears, what can I learn? I can live my days with intent and love those who are hurting. Isaiah 61 says “He has sent me to heal the broken hearted”. Yes, God is telling us once again to love.

Even in the cloudiness I wake to. I cling to my faith and I am reminded that He loves me and allows me “uncommon strength.” In my life and my sons life Jeremiah 29 :11 says “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. Uncommon strength allows one to love like John 15:13 says “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends”. My son has “uncommon strength”. How many of us could love like this? I pray what my good friend prayed for me last night.  I pray that He will give you uncommon strength. Strength to love others even those that don’t look or live just like you.

 

If you are hurting these are for you, yes you.

1. Job 5:11: "He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety."

2. Psalm 27:13-14: "I believe I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be strong, and may your heart be stout; wait on the Lord."

3. Isaiah 41:10: "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

4. John 16:33: "I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But be of good cheer. I have overcome the world." 

5. Romans 8:28: "We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"

6. Romans 8:37-39: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities nor powers, neither things present nor things to come, neither height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

7. Romans 15:13: "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Spirit."

8. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: "Blessed be God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble by the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

9. Philippians 4:6: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with gratitude, make your requests known to God."

10. Hebrews 13:5: "Let your lives be without love of money, and be content with the things you have. For He has said: 'I will never leave you, nor forsake you.'"

The "church"

Oh goodness, where do I even start? It has taken me a few weeks to process my fourth adventure with this thing called Poverty Simulation. Well that’s what this guy Jimmy calls it. I don’t know that I agree with him so I will refer to it as a "glimpse of homelessness". 

So the goal with each adventure is to take a team of six professionals from the community. My hope is that they would be emptied and then filled again through this experience. It serves as a reminder of why and how we should serve others. This particular outing would prove to be the most challenging one yet.  Days before we are scheduled to leave, half our team drops out and to top it off, this week the naysayers were louder than usual. So loud in fact that I had to use Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms, for most of the week. I shutter at the mere thought of me having to endure this weekend, emotionally spent. Because obviously it is all about me, right!

I consider scrapping this adventure but I am louder than my naysayers so I make the journey anyway. My naysayers well they kind of drive me. I want to do more every time they hate out loud. In my odd way of being maybe just maybe there are days when I want to give them something to talk about. Ok maybe I'm just being tacky now, so I'll stop.

Lets get back to my adventure. Friday and we have arrived in Waco. I am ready to get this thing going and over with. I’m focused on just getting this thing done. I decide I’m going to look at this adventure as if it were a Band-Aid. Yes a Band-Aid, you know, the quicker you strip off a Band-Aid the less painful it is. Well that’s the idea anyway, but probably not quite how it works most of the time. Friday evening and we are preparing to get the show on the road and of course I sit in anticipation. I look over at my colleagues and I am certain I see fear in their eyes. One is told she cannot keep any of her items and tears fill her eyes. My heart hurts as she is in need and I cannot help. She is afraid and I cannot comfort her. She reaches unknowing what she is even reaching for. Out under the stars yet we manage the best we can and make it through the night. I have never been camping but I assume this is what its like. Well without the tent, food, water and campfire. I guess.

Saturday morning and we are already hungry. Did I tell you we have a team of three at this point? Yes I am complaining. Well, not for long because as we are walking down this treacherous street, not. One of our team members trips and hurts her foot, so off to urgent care she goes. I’m not too good at math but it’s clear we are down to two. I am asking God if He needs my help with planning how my adventure should go. He doesn't respond.

Not sure what time it is but we are hungry and worried that we will not find food. Yes “we realize this is just a “simulation” but still I reach for Matthew 11:30 “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." We have walked for a while and I’m just not as young as I use to be so again, I am tired and hungry. Have I said that enough? I’ve had a tough week and I am just spent. I look over at my colleague and express my need to pray. She politely allows my need to be met. We stop in the middle of nowhere and yet in the center of everything. I grab her hands and we bow our heads and I pray. I tell God I trust him and I tell Him I believe Him and I ask Him to rescue us. We say amen and begin to walk again. We take 5 to 7 steps and out of nowhere we hear a woman yell in our direction, “Hey are you hungry? I put my hand on my heart and whisper to my Savior, “you heard me.” I think to my self, did I really trust Him? Did I really believe Him?

We hurriedly make our way across the street. I hear Him whisper, Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” I cannot hold in the tears and I cannot wait to get to where this voice is calling for me. My tears, they cover my dirty face and my body can not contain my excitement and again He whispers, Matthew 6:25-26 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

At this point I look over at my colleague and she too allows the tears to wash her face. It’s really unexplainable and there are no words. We know that all we have to do is get to the “church” and all will be well. There is a man standing outside of a doorway and I can see he struggles with addiction and even with that reality, there is safety in this “church” we are walking towards. Mathew 21:13"It is written," he said to them, "'My house will be called a house of prayer,' but you are making it 'a den of robbers." We are not the cleanest of people at this point in the day and yet the “church’ embraces us. They are not concerned with how we look, how we smell or how we got here. They embrace us as I imagine Jesus would if He still walked this earth. We gather as one and bow our heads in prayer. Everything that He has just whispered is repeated by the “church” in prayer. Their love for us is deep and wide and without condition. We cannot speak as His presence has embraced us and qualified us as worthy. They love us with food and something to drink. Again He whispers, Matthew 25:35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,

His message is clear, His “church” is not a building but rather people that will take Isaiah 61 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to heart.

We stand in the parking lot of an apartment complex and it is unsavory to say the least. There is nothing right about this place and yet the peace I feel is overwhelming. A woman approaches and she too is offered worth. I cannot make sense of the safety that abounds in this parking lot.  We walk away embracing each other and still no words are spoken. We find a church building and take the shade it offers. We sit thankful for provision. We have just experienced an encounter with God.

Humbly my colleague finds words and she softly speaks, “I didn’t believe God was real .....until today”. Imagine a “church” without walls that would love like Jesus and allow a way for salvation in the midst of this “simulation”. In all this mess we would see Jesus.

Are you louder than your naysayers?

The naysayers are louder these days but I’m willing to bet I’m louder.

It’s been awhile since we had time to chat and it’s cold outside, so grab a warm drink and have a seat in a comfy chair by the fire place.

So let me put it all out there, I don’t usually stress but for the past few weeks stress has been clinging to me like Velcro on polyester. Yep that bad. Earlier this week I attended a workshop and during the workshop I was asked, “What does your crisis look like?” I went over my weekend and was irritated about things like being delayed in traffic, on my way home from Austin. I struggled with the rental car process and that really almost put me over the edge. I struggled with it being Sunday and that meant Chick-fil-A was closed. You know I could go on but I’ll spare you all the “crisis” in my life. Well I sat a little longer thinking about the “crisis” in my life and when asked the only word that I could form was SELFISH. That’s what my crisis looks like, SELFISH.

Ya selfish especially after I think of some of the families I know! I know an elderly woman that has $1.30 to her name, till the end of the month. I know a family with 6 children and three of them are little bitty and they are hungry and there is no food in the fridge. I know a working homeless momma that is looking for a place so she can have all her children under one roof for Thanksgiving. I know a momma that is about to be evicted with her three little ones. I know a momma with a little one and no heat in her home. I could go on but I won’t. I guess what I am trying to say is that there are greater crisis out there. If we stop, just for a minute and look at our blessings, just long enough to realize that maybe our “crisis” aren’t so bad. There is a world full of people that have real struggles and that live in crisis daily.

I am reminded that in Matthew 22:36-40 it reads “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Are we doing this? I get so caught up in myself that I can honestly say no. I am not doing this to the magnitude that the Gospel I believe in instructs me to.

Ok so I’ve been in the Old Testament and as hard as I’ve looked I haven’t found anywhere that speaks about me serving myself. I haven’t dug too deep in the New Testament but I’m willing to bet it won’t have anything about that in that section of the bible either.

  Hold on lets pause here and let me give you the opportunity to stop reading, consider not reading the rest. It may just save you some stress. Ok you had your shot and if you’re still reading, well here it goes. I was just thinking, if God is real and we believe the word of God, then why are we so caught up with serving the rich rather than serving the poor? We cater to our needs and we forget that the scripture is clear on who and how to serve. And we can’t even use the excuse “well I haven’t been called to serve the poor.” Because if you are a believer I am sorry to be the one to tell you but yes we are all called to serve the poor and there are close to 2000 scriptures woven in the Word of God that tells us just that. We get so comfortable in our beautiful churches with our cute little coffee shops and it’s enough to allow us to forget our purpose. I’m not judging because I too sit in a nice church with a nice coffee shop while my neighbors go without being loved. I am afraid that if we loved we couldn’t help but serve those that don’t quite fit into our pretty church on Sunday. If we loved as big as the Gospel instructs us to, this world would be different.

I applaud every one of you that no longer plays church but is the Church and there are so many of you out there. I applaud you because when we as Christians want to defend our behavior by declaring “we are just people”. When we drop the ball somehow. You are louder when you say “yes we are just people but there better be something different about us. Something that lets the world know that God is real. Something that shows the characteristics of Christ in us.” I am proud to have many friends that are atheist, agnostics, Hindu, Buddhist and many others and they love and serve like I wish I would.

Jesus as a believer let there be something different about me, let me see with Your eyes and love with your heart, so that I may be a light in this world. I pray God interrupts your life and not the naysayers.

Saturday

Ok so it’s Saturday and sleeping in is out of the question. I wake and as I sit up my feet touch the smooth hardwood floors. I make it to the kitchen and my feet are now chilled with the touch of the cold ceramic tiles. So cold in fact that it wakes me just a little. I smile as I am reminded of what God will allow today.

Today will be as full as my week has been. I spent this last week with Life Changers from all walks of life. I am humbled to be in the mist of such people. But nothing could top what I will experience today. Even though I am tired I anticipate the day before me. I return back to the bedroom and as Jacob is getting ready I rush him, just so he has time to stop and get me some oatmeal for breakfast. (Ok here it is, no I don’t know how to make edible oatmeal. I have to pay two dollars every day just to have breakfast!) I know I am a sad little thing huh.

Ok back to my Saturday. It’s still early and the sun kisses me with greatness as we make it to the football field ready and anxious to watch my son, Josh play football. It is a brisk but yet beautiful day and the field is covered with dotting parents. Children in uniform all being coached by dads on the sidelines. Each child empowered by the words of their parents. Humbly I say, Josh, my son is a power house. I stand ready to watch as each player that stands in front of him will unwilling be sat down. I am blessed at what God has allowed today.

As amazing as this games is we must leave with only 30 minutes into the game. We even walk out the gate backwards trying to capture as much of the game as possible. Keila and Tristan will stay and make sure he is cheered on. The parking lot seems to be 20 miles away. Finally we make it to our car and quickly hop in. We rush across town just in time to see our baby girl walk on the field like a boss. Yes you heard me Like a Boss. She too is a power house it’s just on a different kind of field, the cross country field. It doesn’t take long before we begin to run like the crazy parents we are. We are yelling and running alongside just close enough for her to hear me say go baby go. I scan the uneven earth wishing I could see as far out as she will run but the earth will not allow us this view. It lays before us as God has intended. She crosses the line, I grab her and love her proud of her fight for the finish. She has cut her time by a minute. I am blessed at what God has allowed today.

Two sports events under our belt and now we must head to Amarillo as my son is struggling with his truck again. I don’t know the whole plan I just know it has something to do with tires and I will happily ride along.

So off we go finally on the highway in Jacobs 66’. We are chatting with the window rolled down taking in this day that God has allowed. We smile as we chat about our babies and in a split second, time decides to stop. The traffic ahead of us has also decided to stop. From where I sit I can see over twenty cars trying to make it uphill. Nothing is moving up Buffalo Hill. Well only us at around 60 MPH. I see the stopped cars inches from us and I am ready for impact. I look over at Jacob and at the same moment he looks over at me. We gently smile and say I love you with our eyes. I reach down to unbuckle my seat belt, these old cars only have the lap belt and I worry of what it will do to my body when we hit. Jacob looks at the steering wheel and knows it will stop him from flying out the window. We both worry of the other people that will be hurt.

It is a still moment and there are no words spoken. It’s like we are staring at a painting. We see everything as if we are watching from outside of the truck. The week flashes before me and I am thankful I have given and I am thankful I have loved. I am thankful of the good life God has allowed me and I whisper, “sustain us”. Ephesians 1: 16 I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. In that same moment I am satisfied that I have Lived Authentically. Are you Living Authentically? I think of my children and our insurance policy in the bottom drawer of the night stand. I think of the pop tart man that came by the office to deliver pop tarts for the teenagers we help. I remember the people I saw this week, I remember the I love yous I gave and I remember the hugs I gave. John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” What did you give this week?

I think of my oldest and how beautifully she will continue this work. I see my oldest son presiding over our funeral. I think of my young author and what she has to share. I think of my baby boy and how he will remind so many of his dad. I am glad at what God has allowed today.

Suddenly there is inches between two cars and we slither through them as if that’s what we had planned to do all along.

  I don’t have it all together and I don’t have it all right but I can honestly I have given, I have loved and I have served with everything I have till this point. Galatians 6:9 “ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Bless God for another Sunday. Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."