So I think...

So I believe no one is promised tomorrow. But chances are good that I will see my son again, soon. As comforting as that sounds, that still does not take away the ache in my heart. That still does not keep me from asking on his behalf, daily. That still does not keep me from allowing tears to capture me daily. And that still doesn’t keep me from grieving.

So this makes me think about loss in a deeper way.  I struggle with my son being gone. Sometimes I sit and say to myself, “Goodness this is silly”. So many tears and he is just at boot camp. He will be back. We receive a weekly update on what our recruit is going through weekly. Not sure this is something a mother should read. So after I read, I think. Maybe my struggle is that I know what his struggles are and maybe that’s what makes it so hard.

Well this boot camp has impacted not just him but our family.  So much so, that we have had to join a support group to cope with this sadness. I struggle smiling. I struggle keeping a conversation. Especially with people that have nothing to say. No I’m not trying to be rude I’m just trying to be real. No one is perfect especially me! You know people that just speak to be heard but say nothing? Yes I try and add value to all but it seems to be a little harder than usual these days. There is just so much going on in this beautiful world of ours and I just don’t think we use our time and talents wisely by sitting around and chatting about things that don’t matter. We could be out there living intentionally, every minute of every day that we are on this earth. Living life in a way that makes other people’s lives better. Maybe like handing out Hope rather than taking it.

So because I am always trying to look at the bigger picture. I was thinking of the mother that has truly lost her son. I mean lost in a way that she will not see him until we are on the other side of glory. I can’t even wrap that around my mind. I have nowhere to put that thought.

Ok so this may get a little uncomfortable for you if you don’t know Jesus. But I have found that by sharing what I feel. Truly does allow me a way to get through my struggles. Please don’t continue reading if you don’t want to.

So I was thinking, when God saw us, His children messing up here on earth. He might have said to Himself, my kids need freedom, freedom from sin. He might have said (John 3:16), my children need me and I love them so very much that I’m sending my son, Jesus. The Father knew full well what Jesus struggles would be. This blows me away that He would still send Him. I think that we hear that so casually and it’s not. His son! He sacrificed His son! He sent us Jesus so that we might be free from sin. Wow talk about putting things into perspective. I deserved nothing and yet He saw me as worthy.

Next time I think I’m sacrificing something. I might look at what Jesus sacrificed for me. My faith keeps me going.